Mr bean comes home very tires and tells his wife, “I was late for work today.”
“I know,” she says
“The boss fired me” he says glumly
“I know,” she replies
“How the hell do you know?” he asks with temper
“He told me,”she replied.
“Screw the boss,” said the irate husband.
“I did,” said the wife. “You go back to work on Monday!!!”
Monty goes up to Hema in a bar and says, “You want to play ‘magic’?”
She asks, “What’s that?”
He replies, “We go to my house and fuck, and then you disappear.”
An American girl was visiting England and was invited to a party. While dancing with a stuffy monocled Englishman, her necklace became unfastened and slipped down the back of her dress, She asked the Englishman to retrieve the jewellery piece for her.
He was very embarassed but wishing to comply with the request he reached cautiously down the back of her gown.
”I’am terribly sorry,” he said, ‘but I can’t seem to reach it.”
”Try further down.” she said.
At this point, he noticed that he was being watched by everyone in the room which made him feel most uncomfortable and he whispered to the girl. “I feel such a perfect ass”
‘Never mind that!” she cried. “Just get the necklace.”
A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady. After the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want…. and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you otherwise. I’ll go fishing, hunting, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?”
His new bride says, “No, that is fine with me. Just understand that there’ll be sex here at seven o’clock every night- whether you’re here or not.”
A husband and wife were sitting at the breakfast table and the man was reading the ads in the paper. He looked up and said happily, “Here is a great sale on tyre!”
His wife replied, “What do you want tyre for?” You don’t have a car.”
He came back with, “I don’t complain when you go out and buy a new bra!”
A nurse was walking with one of her boobs hanging out of her dress. A doctor saw this and questioned her.
The nurse complained, “These ward boys never keep anything in place after using it!”
Babbies in the front seat cause accidents!
Accidents in the back seat cause accidents!