I’m writing this out because i feel as if i can no longer keep all my feelings to myself. These feelings have been with me since October of 2006 I had been dating this guy who i met about a year and a half ago at that time we were pretty serious but just that october we had broken up due to so many problems we were having the week after we broke up i got really sick i started throwing up i started realizing i hadn’t gotten my period for about 3 months so i decided to go get a pregnancy test i got 2 tests each had 2 in the box i took the first one i was so nervous and scared as to what the results would be and i checked after a few mintues and i saw it said “pregnant” i don’t think i could ever describe the feeling inside of me i took the other tests just to be positive and all of them said “pregnant” i took a picture of all the tests i sent the picture to my ex bf at the time he wrote back saying what is that i told him it was a pregnancy test and it was positive i only did that because i never wanted to hear the words “your only telling me your pregnant to get back with me” i told him i was gonna go to planned parenthood just to be sure i told them what i was there for i took the test they gave me and they checked it and told me it was positive i felt like i couldnt breathe it felt as if i was dreaming or more of a nightmare they sat me down in the office asked me questions about my last period which i got in august and it was about last week of october i was long into my pregnancy already they told me all my options about adoptions to abortion. lets make this clear i come from a very strict and religious family both of my grandfathers were ministers. I left the clinic scared i called my ex telling him the results i asked him to come see he said he was busy and that i should come to his apartment and see him so i went later on that night things felt really awkward we werent datng anymore he had already started seeing different girls i showed him the packets i had got from planned parenthood i asked him if there was anyway we could keep the baby he said no we cant there is no way and if i didnt have the abortion he would push me down the stairs which was really hurtful to hear from someone i thought loved me more then anything in the world well later on while we were hanging out his friends kept calling asking him to come to this club he asked me if i wanted to go i said no i didnt feel right being about 3 months pregnant and going to a club so he went while i waited in the car he told me he would be back in 20 minutes so i was parked in downtown chicago waiting for him to come back it was about 11:15 i kept waiting and calling his cell he wouldnt answer i waited for him to return until 12:30 and i was really tired i was pregnant i was tired i was sad so i left without him he never called me back once i got in a small car accident that night i just let the person go because i had already been crying i didn’t wanna deal with anything i drove home crying the whole time he called me the next day and asked me what i wanted to do and i told him i guess i really have no choise in this we have to get an abortion if i told my family they would disown me i wouldnt be able to face the dissapointment on their faces. also if i did want to keep it my ex would of tried to hurt me physcially i was stuck in a situation which i knew would stick with me for the rest of my life i made the appointment it was scheduled for november 1st 2006 i was preparing myself for what was about to come i guess no matter how much you prepare yourself its still not enough my ex came with me even though i had to do everything around his schedule for him to make it. the night before i can not begin to say how much i cried. next morning we went to the clinic it felt so cold in there no one was talking besides the staff i looked around at the other girls to see their faces some of them didn’t seem to mind being there some were with their friends or some were with their bfs i was glad my ex was there but it felt no different then if i had taken a friend. they kept calling my name for different things first was to take a urine test then to take a blood test then to get an ultrasound which was so sad to see i saw the baby on the screen as i looked up as the sonographer zoomed in and out to take a few good ultrasounds then they had me talk to a counsler who didnt really help because there was nothing i could change or do at that point. i went back into the waiting room i think i was crying ever since i had stepped into the clinic as i sat down next to my ex i wish he was in the room for everything but they wouldnt allow him in there i was called for the abortion all he said to me was ” good luck dont worry you’ll be fine” as i changed into the gown the nurse took me into the surgery room made me lay down on the table it was so cold in the room i was freezing there were 3 people in the room besides myself a nurse who was so nice to me who held
